Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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