Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
50% drunk capacity currently
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
