i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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