so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
