...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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