11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
