I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
