If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
PANTIES FOUND
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
