Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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