Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
