Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
