i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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