You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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