no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
