saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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