remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
