If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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