Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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