no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
