she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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