the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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