Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
