I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
