So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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