fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
