Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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