seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
