I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
