i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is Oprah even human
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
