he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
