And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He better not be in your backpack
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
