you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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