He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize