so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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