I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
