Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
