Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
