I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
