We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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