I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
