Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
