she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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