Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Drake has all the answers
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
