every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
