used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
