hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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