'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
worst night to have a conscience
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
