i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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