I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
