I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
