You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
