whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
