what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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