I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
