I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
