Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His nipple licking is glorious
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