You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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