Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
