Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
