i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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