I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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