You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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